If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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