I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
