don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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