Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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