I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
