so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
