You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
