but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Randomize