I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
