Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You've changed since you got that strap on
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
