i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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