i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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