She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
