Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
