when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Ladies don't puke and tell
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
