i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
