Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
