Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
