Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I lost the right to judge tonight
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize