even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
