No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize