so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
