i permit you to call me
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize