I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
