I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
