38 yer olds are good kisserssss
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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