we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
