were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
