i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize