Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
