I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Randomize
