I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
