I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
