Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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