Rock
Scissors
Fuck
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
