woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
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