Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
