to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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