wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
