My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
