Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
