ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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