My cat gives me a boner
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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