Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
