did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
