Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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