So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
