the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
