I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We are all done wearing pants today
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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