I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
