Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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