if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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