I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
