She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
