Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
