She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
