He disabled his match.com account in front of me
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
