I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
