karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
