I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
