tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
