shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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