No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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