ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
