so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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