his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
