Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
