Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
