why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
