He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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