youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
