i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Randomize
