yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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