i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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