I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
