i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
